"Pop punk makes me want to kill myself."

"He had a face orgy."

"The whole SWAT team busted into the frat and arrested them all..."

"I love the new Justin Timberlake record..."

"Shitting your pants is fucking hilarious."

"It tastes horrifying, it's almost the worst tasting thing I've ever tasted in my life..."

"...if any other band wants to challenge us at Halo, we'll totally kick their ass!"

"Someone lost a bet and had to lick a seat in a bowling alley..."

"I sell vintage metal shirts to kids overseas who don't understand the value of the American dollar."

"We had a bunch of WNBA players come on the bus and party with us."

"Nickleback, I think they suck!"

"Rufio...fuck that band. Fuck them. Fuck them in their stupid asses!"

"We pass time farting and eating shitty food, and by having ridiculous conversations about John Madden's role in society."

"...I have to masturbate from now on, because my wife is inside burning alive."

"There's lots of problems in the world, but that is the problem that plagues us all, because we can't escape it."

"So for the next three weeks, I had this monster, disgusting black eye. As big as a baseball, and just black."

"If I saw my mom's boobs, I'd like... suffocate and die!"

"...some strange guy came up to Aaron and handed him an envelope..."

"...he had this dance, I think it was called the pancake or something."

"Well, I'd rather just jack off onto the walrus with the walrus watching. And then I'd say Mmm... what a nice tea party that was."

"...we had to stop the show because the ceiling was busted."

"He had bionic legs, and fuckin' vampire teeth, and this little crooked smile. It was fucked up."

Fat Mike actually did an interview with us!

"I wouldn't consider her a fan, more of a sack chaser."

"...I would totally have sex in front of like a huge, huge group of people..."

"I'd be Ricky Riccardo, because I Love Lucy's a rad show, I want to be on that show."

"I'm always brushing my teeth and flossing and stuff."

"...the best thing to do was to shit in a bag."

"...we trashed a couple 5 star hotels, and broke a scooter in half that we rented for the day."